Paragraphs With Excessive Coordination
The following paragraph is choppy because it relies too heavily on coordination. Revise this paragraph using various sentence structures to make the paragraph more coherent and interesting.
Cisco’s café is a Mexican restaurant, but it is not located in Mexico. It is located here in town on Abercorn Street, and it is run by Americans, but it sells Mexican food and it has a cantina. Cantina is the Spanish word for a bar. The outside of Cisco’s is shaped like a cactus and it is painted with different colors and some of these are orange, purple, and brown. Inside Cisco’s there are potted plants and pottery and rugs and pictures and these all give the café a Mexican air. Many college students work at Cisco’s and they may not be too experienced but they are friendly and the service is as good as the food and the food is very good. The food includes burritos and tacos and tortillas and many other foods native to Mexico, but you can also order non-Mexican foods and some of these are quiche and pizza. Cisco’s is a place where you can treat your family to Sunday dinner or down a few beers with the boys after work or entertain a date and not have to spend a fortune. I recommend Cisco’s for its high quality, low prices, and friendly atmosphere.
Revise the paragraph below using various sentence
structures to make the paragraph more coherent and interesting.
Every hour of the day and every hour of the night and everywhere we go we are exposed to some form of advertising. Advertising assaults our eyes and it assaults our ears and it influences us consciously and it influences us subconsciously. We drive down the street and we see dozens of billboards and they advertise many different things. They advertise soft drinks and cigarettes and burger joints and Community Fund drives. We ride along and we listen to commercials on the radio. We get home and we turn on the television and we watch more commercials. We may say that we don’t pay any attention to all this advertising and that we are not influenced by it and that we don’t buy things just because of the advertisements, but we are influenced even when we are not paying attention. Commercials warn us about bad breath and foot odor and underarm stain and so we buy Listerine and Dr. Scholl’s Foot Powder and Right Guard. We see a sexy ad for designer jeans and so we mortgage the house to buy a pair. We buy things and many of these things we don’t need but we buy them anyway. Advertising makes us think that we need these things to be healthy or sexy or popular or happy.
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